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Friday, April 01, 2005
 
There's a pattern.


Several of the stories in the news recently show a clear pattern for the Bush administration. They have these ideas, see? They just know that they're true, but it's awfully hard to convince people of their total trueness.

So they need facts. Not just regular facts, but really, really good, nuclear bomb facts that will simply vaporize all the opposing facts. And they need to make sure that any opposing facts that survive their bright, glorious, nuclear facts are horrible, left-wing, America-hating facts that don't even deserve a hearing because they're so horrible, America-hating and, well, just wrong.

2000: They know that invading Iraq and removing Saddam was the right thing to do. Freedom and oil are like macaroni and cheese. They were meant to go together, right? But the People aren't convinced.

Nuclear fact time! Crank up a new "Office of Special Plans" to produce: WMD's! Links to al Qaeda! Even links to 9/11! What's that? You say that those facts aren't supported by the evidence? That there may be terrible, long-term consequences to an Iraq adventure? You must be a fringe leftist. You hate America.

Why, why, you even appear to be French.

2005: They know that Social Security is an unworkable system. It can't possibly work; why it's practically Communist and everybody knows that Communism doesn't work. Social Security has to be stopped before seventy years of successful operation lulls people into thinking of it as an institution. But the People aren't convinced.

Time for some more nuclear facts! Social Security is in crisis! It could collapse at any moment! Soon! Really! The economy under Private accounts will grow and grow and grow, and everyone will be rich! If we keep Social Security as it is, then the economy will stagnate, it will rain all of the time, the government will collapse and you will all die poor and hungry. In the mud. And speaking French.

What!? You have questions? You pinko! You're a security risk
---hey, you cops over there--get these people away from the President! There's no telling what they might do!

Now, you might think that this is all just cynical manipulation by an Administration that wants what it wants, and doesn't care about its methods, as long as it wins. Well, you would be wrong. Bush really believes that the things he wants are true and right and good, and supported by facts.

If not by these facts here, which have been discredited by people who hate him, then by those facts over there--hey, somebody--get me some more facts, pronto! He really believes that any information that contradicts his ideas is false; and not just false, but an attack on him and on America. Contradicting information is never an attempt to get at the truth of a matter; it is lies; it is out of bounds, and he won't listen to it. Period.

Maybe you think I'm kidding a bit, this being April 1. But I'm not.

 
Shouting into the closet to inform and entertain the 10 people who actually read this thing. In our new format as an online magazine, we take pride in our reporting and opinions. Please leave reader feedback on our online magazine message board so that we can better serve you.

“There’s a lot of money to pay for this that doesn’t have to be U.S. taxpayer money, and it starts with the assets of the Iraqi people…and on a rough recollection, the oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon.” -Paul Wolfowitz

Cost of the War in Iraq
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