It's American, right?
Are you tired of being compared to Nazis or Pol Pot as you use the same old, tired torture techniques day after day? Do your friends and neighbors look at each other in a knowing way when you talk about your latest interrogation? Do you long for the days when you were respected as an international power instead of merely feared and despised?
Have we got a deal for you! All-American Torture Products has a complete line of All-American humiliation, interrogation and persuasion products that will put the snap back in Old Glory and the shine back on that big brass eagle! Just look at what we offer:
The ever popular Feces ‘n’ Chains® sensory deprivation set
Includes arm and leg irons, eyeless masks and breathing restrictors with detailed instructions on how to restrain your guest so he can get a good night’s sleep.
Feces not included. Not to be used as a sleep aid. See your doctor if symptoms persist.
Rock the night away with our Naked Buttpile® party kit!
This package includes tape recordings of the Rev. James Dobson expounding the evils of Musliminity, along with diagrams for your very own Naked Buttpile®. Guaranteed fraternity-style fun for everyone! See how tall a buttpile you can make!
Not endorsed by any actual fraternity.
The Have-a-Heart Leash Convincer®Every once in a while, you may run into a guest who just won’t get with the program. Don’t pout: Convince him! This little gem is guaranteed to get results!
Female guard for illustration purposes only.
Bad Guy® Freezer Wrap.
Now and then accidents do happen, but that’s no reason to feel bad, especially when it happens to a Bad Guy®. Wrap him up in this tidy freezer wrap so his compatriots can see our All-American sanitary standards for themselves!
Not to be used for food storage. Suffocation hazard. Keep away from children under 3 years of age
The Pee-Away® Q’uran.
After a big night of All-American interrogation, it’s not unheard of for a little of the “yellow stuff” to end up where it shouldn’t. Have no fear, the Pee-Away® Q’uran is guaranteed to to shed it like water off a duck’s back, time after time.
90 day unconditional guarantee. Not for commercial use.
All-American Torture Products is proud to set a standard for torture and abuse that is much higher than any previous purveyors of such items. See our full catalog for even more exciting products.