ROACHBLOG

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Thursday, June 23, 2005
 
Hey you! Yeah you!
The next time you crawl out of your hole at the White House to say:
"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers ... Has there ever been a more revealing moment this year? Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the Mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals."
Please say it to my face, you ratf*cking little coward.
 
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
 
It's American, right?


Hey America!

Are you tired of being compared to Nazis or Pol Pot as you use the same old, tired torture techniques day after day? Do your friends and neighbors look at each other in a knowing way when you talk about your latest interrogation? Do you long for the days when you were respected as an international power instead of merely feared and despised?

Have we got a deal for you! All-American Torture Products has a complete line of All-American humiliation, interrogation and persuasion products that will put the snap back in Old Glory and the shine back on that big brass eagle! Just look at what we offer:

The ever popular Feces ‘n’ Chains® sensory deprivation set

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Includes arm and leg irons, eyeless masks and breathing restrictors with detailed instructions on how to restrain your guest so he can get a good night’s sleep.
Feces not included. Not to be used as a sleep aid. See your doctor if symptoms persist.




Rock the night away with our Naked Buttpile® party kit!

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This package includes tape recordings of the Rev. James Dobson expounding the evils of Musliminity, along with diagrams for your very own Naked Buttpile®. Guaranteed fraternity-style fun for everyone! See how tall a buttpile you can make!
Not endorsed by any actual fraternity.



The Have-a-Heart Leash Convincer®

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Every once in a while, you may run into a guest who just won’t get with the program. Don’t pout: Convince him! This little gem is guaranteed to get results!
Female guard for illustration purposes only.



Bad Guy® Freezer Wrap.

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Now and then accidents do happen, but that’s no reason to feel bad, especially when it happens to a Bad Guy®. Wrap him up in this tidy freezer wrap so his compatriots can see our All-American sanitary standards for themselves!
Not to be used for food storage. Suffocation hazard. Keep away from children under 3 years of age

The Pee-Away® Q’uran.

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After a big night of All-American interrogation, it’s not unheard of for a little of the “yellow stuff” to end up where it shouldn’t. Have no fear, the Pee-Away® Q’uran is guaranteed to to shed it like water off a duck’s back, time after time.
90 day unconditional guarantee. Not for commercial use.

All-American Torture Products is proud to set a standard for torture and abuse that is much higher than any previous purveyors of such items. See our full catalog for even more exciting products.
 
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
 
Bom biddy Bom biddy Bom biddy Bom...

What's that sound? Sorta like drums:
"... The Syrian people deserve to have the same kind of hopes and aspirations for a free future that are now spreading in places like Iraq and Lebanon and that there is hopeful here in Egypt. And the Syrians have a responsibility not to support terrorist groups like Palestinian Islamic Jihad, which is headquartered in Damascus, as saying that it will not abide by the agreement that it made with Mahmoud Abbas. It should stop letting its territory be used for insurgents to blow up innocent Iraqis.

The Syrians have gotten themselves in a position where they are helping those who would frustrate the aspirations of the Lebanese people, of the Iraqi people and of the Palestinian people..."
I'm sure I've heard that sound before. What could it be? Well, whatever it is, you read it here first.
 
Monday, June 20, 2005
 
Our good friend Dick.

June 13, 2005:
"Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday he doesn't believe revelations about the treatment of prisoners at the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay have become an image problem for the United States and that the facility should not be shut down.

"Those who most urgently advocate that we shut down Guantanamo probably don't agree with our policy anyway," the vice president said after presenting the Gerald R. Ford Foundation journalism awards at the National Press Club..."
June 17, 2005:
"A subsidiary of Houston-based Halliburton has been awarded a $30 million contract to build an improved 220-bed prison for terrorism suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, the Pentagon announced..."
Some people might tell you that Cheney severed his financial ties with Halliburton when he took office. They would be wrong.

Business as usual in Bushworld.
 
Shouting into the closet to inform and entertain the 10 people who actually read this thing. In our new format as an online magazine, we take pride in our reporting and opinions. Please leave reader feedback on our online magazine message board so that we can better serve you.

“There’s a lot of money to pay for this that doesn’t have to be U.S. taxpayer money, and it starts with the assets of the Iraqi people…and on a rough recollection, the oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon.” -Paul Wolfowitz

Cost of the War in Iraq
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